I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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