we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
