A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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