Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
