I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
