i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
