dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
