I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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