she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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