I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize