i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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