His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
