I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
