I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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