my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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