I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well you can't waste a boner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
