She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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