I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
