Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
