Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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