Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
