What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
