Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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