i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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