Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
