Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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