your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
