I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
