Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
