omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
