this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
