It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
