More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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