So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
