I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
