she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how does that bad decision feel?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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