Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
