I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
