im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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