i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
