This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
