Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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