So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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