Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
