We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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