I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
