Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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