mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
