Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
