I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
