i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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