She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
