There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
