Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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