I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
