Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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