i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
