we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
40s are totally the cure
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
