I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
