Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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