Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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