Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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