You can't motorboat a personality
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
