I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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