I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
