i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
