Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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