this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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